Monday, July 28, 2014

愉快的本質源頭 (The Origins of Pleasure)


Lectured by Paul Bloom,
the psychologist, and his popular Introduction to Psychology 110 class has been released to the world through the Open Yale Courses program.
Why do we like an original painting better than a forgery? Psychologist Paul Bloom argues that human beings are essentialists -- that our beliefs about the history of an object change how we experience it, not simply as an illusion, but as a deep feature of what pleasure (and pain) is.


Key Notes Taken:
A lecture about the pleasures of everyday life.  Why do origins matter so much?  Why do we respond so much to our knowledge of where something comes from? Well there's an answer that many people would give.
  • The reason why we take origins so seriously is because we're snobs if we want to show off how rich we are, how powerful we are, it's always better to own an original than a forgery because it is much fewer originals than forgeries.
  • Paul didn’t doubt that that plays some role, but what he want to convince us today is that humans are natural born essentialists.  People don't just respond to things as what they see, what they feel, or what they hear them, rather we are conditioned on our beliefs, about what they really are, what they came from, what they're made of, what their hidden nature is….It is not just for how we think about things, but how we react to things.
  •  Pleasure is deep -- and that this isn't true just for higher level pleasures like art, but even the most seemingly simple pleasures are affected by our beliefs about hidden essences.  
Paul justified his statement with several cases/stories:
Ø   Hermann Goering who was Hitler's second in command in World War II. Like Hitler, Goering fancied himself a collector of art and especially something painted by Vermeer.  Finally he found a Dutch art dealer who sold him a wonderful Vermeer for the cost of what would now be 10 million dollars and it was his favorite artwork ever.  World War II came to an end, Goering was captured and ultimately sentenced to death. Then the Allied forces went through his collections and found the paintings and arrest the people who sold it to him. The dutch dealer was charged with the crime of treason and at the end, he confess guilty to sell the paint, but not for treason.  He said : I didn’t sell a great masterpiece to that Nazi. I painted it myself; I'm a forger and he proved it”.  When Goering was told that his favorite painting was actually a fake, according to his biographer, "He looked as if for the first time he had discovered there was evil in the world." and he killed himself soon afterwards.
Ø   Take food for example, Some of you would eat the meat if it's pork, but not beef. Some of you would eat it if it's beef, but not pork. However few of you would eat it if it's a RAT or a HUMAN. That's not so surprising and but what's more interesting is how it tastes to you will depend critically on what you think you're eating.  So if you want kids to eat carrots and drink milk,  tell them they're from McDonald's. Kids believe McDonald's food is tastier, and it leads them to experience it as tastier.
Ø   How do you get adults to really enjoy wine? It's simple: pour it from an expensive bottle. If you believe you're drinking expensive stuff, parts of the brain associated with pleasure and reward light up like a Christmas tree. It's not just that you say it's more pleasurable, you say you like it more, you really experience it in a different way.
Ø   Or take sex, one of the most heartening findings from the psychology of pleasure is there's more to looking good than your physical appearance. If you like somebody, they look better to you. This is why spouses in happy marriages tend to think that their husband or wife looks much better than anyone else thinks that they do.  
Ø   As another example, consider consumer products. One top of its utility, e.g. the golf clubs, where you can play golf, but the most important is it value, beyond what it can do for you based on its history, the golf clubs were owned by John F. Kennedy and sold for a million dollars at auction.   The  attraction to objects doesn't just work for celebrity, most people, have something in our life that's literally irreplaceable, in that it has value because of its history – maybe the wedding ring, maybe your 1st child's baby shoes ……. so that if it was lost, you couldn't get it back.
Ø   Joshua Bell, a very famous violinist, the Washington Post decided to go for an bold experiment, “How much would people like Joshua Bell,ua Bell, if they didn't know they were listening to Joshua Bell”  So he got Joshua to take his million dollar violin down to a Washington D.C. subway station and stand in the corner and see how much money he would make. After being there for three-quarters of an hour, he made 32 dollars.  Apparently to really enjoy the music of Joshua Bell, you have to know you're listening to Joshua Bell.
Ø   The second example from music is from John Cage's modernist composition, "4'33"."   this is the composition where the pianist sits at a bench, opens up the piano and sits and does nothing for four minutes and 33 seconds -- that period of silence. And people have different views on this.  Today we can buy this from iTunes for a dollar 99, you can listen to that silence, which is different than other forms of silence.  

Also everything related to origins of pleasure applies to pain as well. It hurts more if you believe somebody is doing it to you on purpose.  

 

Friday, July 25, 2014

同理心與同情心 (Empathy vs Sympathy)

lectured by Dr. Brene Brown (www.gobblynne.com) Espresso for the mind

同理心是一種助燃劑, 能激發人與人間連結, 進而拉近彼此的關係.
同情心反之會抑制人與人的連結, 助長人際關係的疏離.

摘要如下:

Empathy fuels the connection while sympathy drives the disconnection.
Per Teresa Wiseman, the Nursing scholar's professional experiments where she came up with 4 quality elements of Empathy:
(1) Perspective taking (觀點/看法的取得)
(2) The ability to take perspective of another person (接受別人觀點/看法的能力)
(3) Recognize their perspective as truth (認可別人信以為真的觀點/看法)
(4) Staying out of judgement (No easy as most of us enjoy to do this most of the time !) (不下評斷)
In short, Empathy is to feeling with other people

When someone falls under the deep hole and shout "I'm stuck, it's dark and I'm overwhelmed !"
Empathy:   "Hey, (climbing down) I know what is like down there and you are not alone "
Sympathy: "Wow, it's bad and do you want sandwiches now ?"

Empathy is a Choice and it is Vulnerable !  Because in order to connect to you, thus I have to convert myself inside the condition to connect with you.
The last statement you should use "at least" to comfort people:
e.g.  I think my marriage is falling apart.  "At least you have a marriage!"
e.g. John is kicking out from school ! "At least he is a A-student"

One of the difficult think we face is that we always try to make things better !  However if people share something very difficult with you, they would rather expect you to say "I don't know what to say now, but I am so glad that you told me!"

Because the truth is rarely "Response" to make things better, but the "Connection itself"

Friday, July 4, 2014

用更寬容溫和的思維來看待成功


A kinder, gentler philosophy of success   by Alan de Botton at TEDGlobal Jul. 2009

前言 (Preface)

當今我們生活的這個世代, 你我人生常被[職場危機]所中斷衝擊, 現在要過好日子, 能保有一顆平靜心, 同時又能免於生涯焦慮是難上加難. 我想探索其中原因到底是什麼讓我們對職場生涯感到如此焦慮難安.
We live in an age when our lives are regularly punctuated by career crises.  It's getting harder than ever before to stay calm, to be free of career anxiety. I want to look at the reasons why we feel anxiety about our careers?
 

l   其中一個主因要歸咎於[職場勢利鬼]到處充斥. 何謂勢利呢? 勢利就是:任何人,切割了一小部分的你並且用它取代了「你是誰」的意義這就是勢利. (例如: 去任何宴會, 馬上你就會遇見這個21世紀最具代表性的經典問題:「你在哪裡上班? 根據你對該問題的回答, 人們要不就是立刻露出對認識你感到無比的榮幸愉快, 或者他們只看一下手錶, 就立刻找藉口結束跟你的談話)
One key reason is the so-called Job-snobbery, it is somebody who takes a small part of you and uses that to complete vision of who you are ! (e.g. You encounter it within minutes at a party, when you get asked that famous question of the early 21st century, "What do you do?" And according to your answers, people are either incredibly delighted to see you, or look at their watch and make their excuse within 5 minutes)

l   人們被嚴格地按照著我們所擁有的社會階級來定位
People are strictly defined by their position in the social hierarchy.

l  人們慣於把工作職業跟物質財富掛鉤, 二者有很高的關聯性, 物質上的財富被當成衡量成就成功的獎勵.
Our careers are highly correlated & be measured with material goods to reflect achievements/rewards of our success.

l  還有一個很矛盾的現象使我們如今比過往更難保平靜安穩的心, 現今許多訊息都灌輸我們, 人生而平等, 任何人都能成就任何事, 人人都能出頭天, 但同時也伴隨著「自我認知低落, 覺得自己很爛」的問題發生.  當我們對自己的職場發展有高度期待的同時, 我們被教育成自己做自己的主人, 對自己成功或失敗要負完全的責任  
Also there is a paradox in modern society, believing people are all equal, anything is possible, anyone can rise to any position they want, and also the existence of low self-esteem. So something that is quite positive can have a nasty kickback view to see our expectation/hope towards careers, we are fully responsible of our own success or failure!

l   忌妒心作祟. (在年齡,背景上愈接近的人就愈可能發生忌妒問題), 表面上每個人都一樣的平等精神, 但在深處常參混了許多不平等, 於是造成了彼此非常緊張的狀態
Envy People (the closer people are, in age, in background, in the process of identification, the more there is a danger of envy)

l  職場功績主義, 論功行賞盛行! 功績主義就是只要你有天份有動力有技能 你就會爬到最高階級,沒什麼能擋你的路. 但問題是伴隨這種思維所有厲害的人都能爬上了最頂的地位, 那麼我們也相信那些處在最底端的人,是活該咎由自取! 換言之, 非勝即拜, 功績和活該!
Meritocracy, people believes if anyone got talent, energy and skill, he/she will get to the top. By implication, those who deserve to get to the bottom should stay there. In other words, your position is merited and/or deserved ! 

跟過去相比, 在中世紀一個非常窮的人被形容為「不幸」的人, 字面意義是,「財富/幸運」沒有眷顧到這個人,他是個「無財富/不幸」的人 現在某個來自社會低階級的人會被稱為「失敗者」 因為我們「自己必須對自己的人生負責」的信仰.  不再是神主導,而是自己. 研究指出, 自殺比例在已開發,強調個人主義的國家明顯較世界其他地區多許多, 因為人把自己的成功失敗很極端的,完全歸咎於自己
In comparison, in Middle Ages, poor person is described as an "unfortunate" -- literally, somebody who had not been blessed for fortune.  Nowadays, we described someone at the bottom of society a "loser" under the belief we are responsible for our lives. It's no longer the God, it's us and people take what happens to them extremely personal and this is proven by many statistics that there are more suicides in developed individualistic countries than in any other part of the world.


要如何從這些壓力中釋放呢? Alan 提出了一個用更寬容溫和的思維來看待成功
Alain’s view to have a kinder, gentler philosophy toward success

1.         認知功績主義, 一個全然功績,不偏不倚的社會是個不可能的夢想. 人生有太多的隨機變數, 如意外,意外的出生等等 我們根本無從用一個原則給每個人評分勝敗 Awareness that meritocracy is impossible and can’t be applied to all aspects. There are simply too many random factors: accidents, accidents of birth, ….etc. We will never get to grade people as they should. 

2.  且慢論斷他人, 因你根本不明白某某人真正的價值「千萬別按對方在名片上所印的頭銜對他做出評價, 這是上帝才能決定的, 縱使是萬能得神, 也是在末日的審判日才做這個決定!
Hold our horns to judge people, we don’t necessarily know what’s someone true value! (We should not judge any man simply by his business card, only God who can really put everybody in their place. And even so, he's going to do that on the Day of Judgment only)  

3.       用同情同理心
Show Sympathy than Judgment 

4.        用謙虛敬畏的心 (當今社會人們不在敬神為天, 人們太盲於相信自己, 此競爭)
Be humble (Today is a world where we don't worship anything other than ourselves and get drown of our own competition each other)  

5.       了解人生沒有百分之百的成功全勝, 我們無法在每件事上都很成功.所以看待成功就必須承認因此也會有所失落! 有失必有得,魚與熊掌難兼得的真理
Understand the truth of no 100% success in life, we succeed something and loose something  

6.          聚焦我們自己對成功的想法並確定那真的是我們自己的沒錯, 做自己的主人(莫對外界件以太過敞開或流於盲從)
Focus on our “Own ideas of Success” what really matter to us! not following others or what society tells (we are highly open to suggestion from social norms)